How to Set Holiday Boundaries That Support Your Well-Being

While the holidays can be a fun time full of celebration and connection, they can also bring stress, anxiety, and emotional overload — especially when family dynamics are complicated. Many people find themselves dreading gatherings that are supposed to feel warm and festive, only to leave feeling drained rather than nourished.   

Here, our Director of Mental Health & Wellness, Amy Hawthorne, breaks down how healthy holiday boundaries can help you protect your peace, stay grounded, and show up as the version of yourself you want to be. 

Why Holiday Boundaries Matter 

Holiday gatherings often put you in close contact with relatives who trigger old patterns, expectations, or conflicts. Without clear limits, it’s easy to overextend your time, energy, and emotional capacity, leaving you resentful or exhausted. Boundaries are not about controlling other people; they’re about deciding how you’ll respond and what you will and will not participate in.  

Think of boundaries as a plan for taking care of yourself when familiar challenges arise. Instead of bracing for impact, you go into the season with clarity and strategy. 

Talk About Expectations Before You Gather 

If you feel uneasy about an upcoming holiday, start boundary-setting before the event. Reach out to key family members or hosts to clarify expectations in a calm, collaborative tone. For example, you might discuss arrival and departure times, sleeping arrangements, alcohol use, guest lists, or topics you would like to avoid.  

Approaching these conversations with curiosity instead of accusation sets a different tone. Share what you need to feel safe and comfortable, and ask others what they need, as well. Getting on the same page ahead of time lowers the chance of surprise conflict at the dinner table. 

Give Yourself an Escape Route 

One of the most powerful holiday boundaries is remembering that, as an adult, you’re never actually trapped. Children are often stuck in whatever environment they’re placed in; adults always have options, even when it doesn’t feel that way. Plan an “escape route” before you arrive, so you know exactly what to do if tension builds. 

This might look like: 

• Setting a clear departure time and sticking to it 

• Stepping outside for a walk when conversations get heated 

• Moving to a quieter room to do dishes, play with kids, or reset your nervous system 

Knowing you can take space or leave entirely if things become overwhelming reduces anxiety and gives you back a sense of control.  

Prepare Mentally Before the Event 

Mental rehearsal can be a powerful tool. Before the holiday, imagine yourself at the gathering, moving through the day the way you want. See yourself politely saying no, changing the subject, leaving the room, or ending a conversation that crosses your boundaries. 

Visualization helps your mind and body practice new responses, so they feel more accessible in the moment. Athletes use this technique to prepare for performance; you can use it to prepare for challenging social situations and emotional triggers. 

Steer Clear of Emotionally Charged Topics 

Certain topics — politics, parenting, relationships, money — reliably ignite conflict for many families. One simple boundary is to refuse to participate in these conversations. If you sense a discussion veering into a territory that feels unsafe or unproductive, you can quietly excuse yourself, redirect the topic, or engage in a different activity.  

You do not have to earn your place at the table by debating or defending your choices. Often, walking away early from a charged exchange prevents hurt feelings and lingering resentment later. 

Redefining What a Boundary Really Is 

A common misconception is that a boundary is something you ask another person to do differently. In reality, a boundary is a decision about what you’ll do if a situation repeats itself. It’s about your behavior, not theirs. 

For example: 

• “If a political conversation starts, I’ll excuse myself and go for a short walk.” 

• “If someone comments on my body or food, I’ll calmly say, ‘I’m not discussing that,’ and change the subject — or I’ll leave the room.” 

Your boundary does not depend on anyone else agreeing, remembering, or following through. It lives in the action you’re committed to taking. This is empowering because your own choices are the only thing you can reliably control.  

Focusing on What You Can Control 

When you get clear about your plan of action before the holiday, you shift from feeling helpless to feeling prepared. You cannot control who shows up, what they say, or how they behave. You can control: 

• How long you stay 

• What conversations you participate in 

• When you take breaks or leave 

• How you speak to yourself during and after the event 

Healthy boundaries are not about being cold or distant; they’re about creating enough safety for genuine connection to be possible. When you protect your energy, you’re more able to enjoy the parts of the holidays that truly matter to you.

If you’re looking to deepen your sense of balance and joy this season, join us for our Celebrate the Season experience in Lenox — a restorative way to nourish your mind, body, and spirit.