Community & Longevity: Why Connection Matters

As a spiritual wellness provider, I frequently hear a recurring concern when the topic of longevity arises: Where will I fit in then? As we age and our roles, titles, and routines change, questions of community, belonging, and feeling seen can feel daunting.  

One part of longevity is living long enough to experience the loss of loved ones and friends, the very people with whom we share our life stories, memories, and identity. Finding new people, nurturing close and caring relationships, and crafting community require effort, especially if we felt no need to do so throughout our adult lives until now — or if our partner handled it and is now gone.  

However, devoting ourselves to planting the seeds of friendship and connection at every stage of our lives creates layers of community that can sustain us and enable us to thrive. 

Community is a group spiritual practice (with an emphasis on the word practice) that can offer meaningful connections, dignity, and respect, and a sense of being valued as part of a larger whole. It’s not organic, however. Community requires practice: building habits and routines of trust, safety, and shared living to reap its benefits. At its best, community comprises reciprocal, reliable, and authentic relationships.  

Consider how the following practices can help you connect with others and strengthen your experience of the community already around you. 

Chosen Family  

A friend of over 30 years calls my daughter and me his “bonus sisters,” which often requires some logistical explaining to newcomers. On a recent visit, his mother, who now lives with him, took my hand several times, asserting: “Chosen family is wonderful!” And it’s true.  

One of the benefits of having chosen family is that you show up for each other even when your given family may not, or cannot, do so. Chosen family often shares similar views or interests, and members genuinely care for one another. As more adults remain single, forgo having children, and/or live far from their extended traditional family members, a chosen family that continues to welcome new members into the mix offers meaningful, memorable, and loving connections throughout life. Allowing the term “family” the flexibility to include mutually faithful relationships beyond traditional structures, and even within those structures (for example, “My niece is a daughter to me”), enhances our quality of life and offers support as we agei  

Try this: Can you identify an individual or small group of people for whom you mutually show up, despite not having traditional familial connections or obligations? Perhaps call them or meet up and let them know the significance of their presence in your life. 

Intergenerational Relationships 

Beyond chosen family, look at the course of a given week. What are the ages of the people you’re most likely to encounter? What age groups are missing?  

Careers and life circumstances can often lock us into associating only with a narrow set of ages, and, over time, that constriction also narrows our lived experience. We forget how to play like a five-year-old or lose curiosity about what it is like to be 14, 27, 55, or even 96.  

Intentionally seeking out opportunities to experience, converse with, and learn alongside people of different generations keeps our minds nimble, our bodies more active, and our souls compassionately engaged.  

While some of us may find volunteering with community-based nonprofits, tutoring in schools, joining life-long learning programs at local colleges, or mentoring younger colleagues keep us connected, less formal relationships are also helpful, like getting to know your neighbors by name and checking in with each other, as well as nurturing relationships with extended family members.  

Try this: How might you learn about someone above or below your generational age group this week? What might you discover about yourself and them? 

Hospitality  

The sacred practice of hospitality is a historical hallmark of human communities across cultures. Welcoming others into your home provides an immediate connection — whether to share a meal, watch a movie, or catch up over a cup of tea. Humans are social creatures, and the pandemic highlighted our need for consistent connection with one another.  

As we age, maintaining a willingness to welcome others into our lived spaces, onto our schedules, and through our screens reinforces the benefits of sharing life with a community. Hospitality does not require special occasions or overextending ourselves. Rather, as a practice of connection, it reminds us we each have goodness to share and to accept from one another. 

Try this: When was the last time you accepted an invitation to be with someone else or invited someone to share a meal or an hour visiting? What small act of hospitality might you practice each week to welcome companions along the journey of your life? 

Personal Agency & Openness to Experience 

Crafting a community often begins with how we dedicate our time and energy.  

When careers and life lock us into schedules with limited flexibility, transitions into empty-nesting and retirement can leave large blocks of time to fill. These transitions welcome opportunities to choose how we live our days, however intentionally. For many of us, these shifts enable us to dive deeply into areas of personal interest and passion, and to explore new avenues we may never have considered before.  

Finally, claiming a space in your home as a permanent (rather than makeshift) studio can signal to yourself and others your intention to value and meaningfully experience your own creativity. Taking a class in a subject where you’re a total novice exposes you to new people, challenges, experiences, and insights. Volunteering at a local school or public service agency broadens your worldview. Participating in service and caregiving within religious communities deepens compassion and nurtures a sense of belonging. 

Try this: What can you identify right now as interests or causes you would participate in if you had more time, energy, or focus? How might you intentionally plan a first step toward incorporating it into your life in the next three months? 

The Importance of Building Community as You Age  

Part of getting older is allowing ourselves to be seen in new ways by people who don’t necessarily know our backstory. They know us as we are now, and we them. It can be hard to let go of past ways of presenting ourselves to the world, but when we welcome each encounter with another person in the present moment, we bring our full selves. In doing so, we nurture sacred community and find we’re not alone, but alive, together. 

Connection is one of the most powerful drivers of longevity, and Canyon Ranch recognizes that fact. Our spiritual wellness team offers one-on-one guidance to help you reflect on the relationships and communities that matter most to you, and to build intentional practices around belonging and connection. Pair that with our broader wellness programming across fitness, nutrition, and mental health, and you have a full-circle approach to aging well. 

Explore Our Mind & Spirit Services in Tucson and Lenox. 

References

At Canyon Ranch, we’re committed to providing accurate, trustworthy, and evidence-based health and wellness information. Our content is informed by peer-reviewed studies, reputable academic research institutions, and recognized medical journals and associations. We carefully select credible sources to support the reliability and integrity of the information we share.

Roberto, K.A., and Blieszner, R. (2015). Diverse family structures and the care of older persons. Canadian Journal on Aging / La Revue canadienne du vieillissement 34(3), 305-320. doi:10.1017/S0714980815000288